I’m not much of a blogger and I’m certainly not a gifted one. Mostly, I string together semi-understandable, semi-grammatically correct sentences that are faintly related to each other. I started my blog a year ago this month and so I was going through the early posts. This was one of them.
This was a painful one to write. I think I actually wrote it in 2014, not 2015 and I probably just uploaded it in 2015. But what that post was really about was my dramatic weight loss. In 2013 I had weight loss surgery and in 2014 I had lost 100 pounds. I didn’t look the same. I had to re-introduce myself to people who had not seen me since the surgery. They didn’t recognize me.
I was angry (really? ya think? lol) when I wrote that post. The constant comments about my changing body drove me insane. Obviously, the comments were positive but they embarrassed me and upset me. The constant compliments on my new clothing choices confused me and I never knew how to react.
So I reacted by being angry and upset. I remember chiding people about their comments regarding my physical appearance. They did learn to stop, but I think they never understood it. I remember not feeling understood. After all, why was I not exultant about what was happening to my body?
It is 2016 and I am not angry any more. At least not about the body changes or the clothing compliments. Now, I’m more focused on the baggage that doesn’t melt away when the pounds melt away. I’m more focused on dealing with the expectations that I had about what life would be like when I became slim and more physically attractive to men. I thought that I would have had a romantic relationship with someone by now, and that has not happened. I thought my dysthymia (mild, chronic depression, less severe with fewer symptoms than major depression) would have eased up.
So I’m thinking that maybe I’m angry about that right now. 2016 is probably going to be all about adjusting my expectations about my life. As far as the baggage goes, it’s probably time to unpack my suitcases and deal with the contents!